My open invitation to Adam Devine to attend a UNO game with me

Dear Adam Devine,

So we have never met, but we are connected by six degrees of separation.  We both attended Millard South High School, but I graduated two years after you did.  I hang out with a few people that were pretty close to you in high school, yet I do not remember if you and I ever actually crossed paths.  You know Bob, right?  Everyone knows Bob, he’s that guy everyone kind of likes but they really hate because he makes terrible decisions and is always late to everything.  He is that character on your favorite semi dramatic-semi comedic show that you keep hoping will get written off the show and move off far far away.  Bob moved to New York recently, life in Omaha has been pretty sweet since then.  You and I were friends on Myspace though, back when I was a “comedian.”  You even wrote a generic comment on my wall once.  That was even before Workaholics, so I guess you are the one that is crazy about me…

Let me cut to the chase.  I know you are a big Husker fan, but the Mavericks are up and coming in division one.  I just bought season tickets for the first time, and if you want to come and have the most awkward blind man date of all time, you just let me know.  You are invited any time to come with.  I will not be weird and try and pitch you ideas for a television show.  Seriously though, wouldn’t a good television show be a parody of The Hills, but instead of a bunch of ritzy 21-25 spoiled kids, we could produce a show called The Bluffs?  The Bluffs would be about some 21-25 lower class dudes trying a bunch of get rich schemes to get the heck out of Council Bluffs.  You get at me about that one.

There is another Millard South alum on the Mavericks team, his name is Kyler Erickson and he seems like he is a pretty cool dude, some may even say that he is even cooler than Billy Zane.  He is a bad ass walk on that really helped the team out many moments last season, and he seems like a quality leader on the team.  I give a first pump in the air every time he scores or makes a scrappy defensive play that leads to a score.  Here is his website.  We can get behind a Millard South guy being awesome.  We should probably appreciate this, because this could be the last time a Patriot is a division one basketball player for a while.  Ryan Curtis could have played division one, wasn’t he awesome?  Don’t pretend like you were too busy to go to basketball games in your junior year.  Don’t even try it.  Oh, I was in the Mr. Millard South show two years after you.  There are so many ice breakers between us.  Being 30 and still talking about how bad ass you were in high school is totally healthy, right?  There is a Millard West guy on the team as well, so let’s not even give him a chance for our claps.  Let’s just assume that he think he’s better than us.

You need to come see the taco cannon.  So far let’s tally this up:  You get to see a basketball game for free.  You get to see a Millard South guy play college basketball.  You get to see tacos being shot out of a cannon.  I won’t even sit there and talk about how Austin Anderson was a better stand up comedian than you.  I will not bring that up once.  I can update you on other UNO athletics as well, things are incredibly different since you skipped town.  The entire campus has changed even.  When I started going in 2004, I constantly felt like I was on the set of a 1980s Michael Douglas film, but everything has been renovated now.  There are more and more dorms, and it is growing with Aksarben Village…parking somehow got worse though.  Oh yeah, Aksarben is a thing again.  There is this place called Voodoo Taco, it’s not owned by the same people that own Voodoo Doughnut in Portland, but they have really good tacos.  Oh, if you haven’t been to Portland either, I can be the world’s worst tour guide there.  My wife hails from the Portland area.

I need to put this out there.  My wife does not really like Workaholics.  I try to watch it and she is just like “why are you watching this?  They had a house full of rats and murdered the rats by throwing them into ceiling fans and other household appliances.”  I guess she just does not get classic humor.  She is in love with Pitch Perfect though, so she has become more prideful that I walked the halls of Millard South with you.  She brings it up to her friends more than I do.  Her friends are like: whoa what was Adam Devine like?  Then I’m just like: High school was weird. I listened to Weezer and ruined my track career by drinking too much soda.  So I didn’t pay much attention to the loud upperclassman guy that thought he was funny.

This is probably why I would not be the weird fan just wants to ask you what being famous is like.  I might ask what Anna Kendrick is like.  I feel like she would get me.  Instead of asking you all of those questions I would ask what alternate routes you found in Millard South when the main hallway was under construction and you didn’t want to go outside.  I am pretty excited about Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates though, and I have not even seen a preview.  It’s a reboot of that Debra Messing Wedding Date movie, right?  Seriously, how cool is it that you’re in a movie with Milton from Office Space?

So check your schedule, check the Mavs schedule, and get at me.  I am a fair guy though, so we can go to a Nebraska basketball game too.  You have to pay for that one though, but I will drive your rental car.  We can play a game too where we go to local comedy shows and sit right in the front row and watch them get super nervous that you are there.  We can have paper and take notes and they will wonder why Adam Devine is taking notes of their performance.  It will scare the crap out of them.

Some observations from the Mavericks’ Midnight Madness

Twice this week I was up past midnight watching sports.  Tuesday night for the World Series, and last night for the Oregon Ducks-Arizona State game.  Today could be rough, but I am still on a Baxter Arena high, so there is that.  Here are some random observations from last night’s Midnight Madness event.

  • Mikaela Shaw informed us that the student section for basketball games will be right behind the visitor’s bench.  I love that, great move.
  • Are the curtains going to be down for most of the sections during basketball games?  Like, I get it.  But what if a visiting team’s fans wants to come in and buy out one of those sections?  We wont turn them down, right?
  • The taco cannon shot a taco right next to me.  I was 2 seats away from a free taco.  I have also realized that I will probably never recognize the person holding and shooting the cannon as a person.  I just see a taco cannon and I do not recognize a person, I just see a taco cannon that is floating around on it’s own shooting out bliss wrapped in tortillas.
  • I saw Rylan Murry walking around and I really wanted to scream “Skinny Love!” into his direction and then run away like I’m a 4th grade girl.
  • The women’s scrimmage was nice.  None of the women had their numbers on the back of their jersey, so every time a new player touched the ball I would have to ask who the heck that was, since there are so many new players.
  • In the Summit League teleconference, Brittany Lange talked about how impressed she was in newcomers Ellie Brecht and Amber Vidal, and they do look very impressive.  Vidal’s point guard skills are fantastic.  Really excited to see her run the team’s offense.  Like, I want to create her as a player in NBA 2k16 and have her run my team.
  • All the women’s team appears to show a lot potential.  The hype in their recruits might be real.  This team could be stacked next year too if they keep everyone together and add in their transfers in 2016-2017.  Incredibly curious how the minutes get divided up though.
  • I am glad that Rodney Rogan is not a professional referee.
  • I was sitting on the side where the men’s team was warming up, so I was watching them warm up instead of the women.
    • The freshman that I have heard the least about, Zach Jackson, looks like he could be a really good player.  I do not think that he missed a shot in warm ups, or even in the team’s scrimmage.  Seriously look up any photo of him though, he might be incapable of smiling.  Looks like he has some pretty good ball handling too, but let’s get a real game under our belts and see whats up.
    • Can we give Zach Pirog the nick name of “The Mile High”?  I watched Zach Pirog take the ball coast to coast and get a dunk, so my life is complete.
    • I was actually really impressed with Ben Kositzke.  I know it is all based on an open scrimmage and warm ups, but he was showing some good stuff:  hitting some jumpers, keeping guys out of the low block, putting on a couple post moves.  Also, I am a Millard South guy, so to be impressed with a Millard West guy should mean something.
    • Speaking of Millard South, Kyler Erickson had a crossover that changed my life.  By the way, when I was in high school I badly wanted to make fake letter jackets that said Millard East.  I would wear it all over town and convince people there was a Millard East High School that was just atrocious and undersized in basketball and football.
    • Daniel Meyer looks like he has bulked up, like he just goes to the rocky mountains and lifts boulders and pushes cars up mountains just for the thrill.  All in blue jeans too.  I also watched him take the ball coast to coast.  Scrimmages, man.
    • Jake White just looks overall healthier, a healthy Jake White could really be a an All Conference player.
    • Marcus Tyus got to play, his knee looks fine.  Boo ya!
    • Tra-Deon Hollins is going to bring great defense, sweet dunks, and another great passer to his team…not a bad thing to have at all.
    • Randy Reed was hitting the three on command in warm ups, and handling the ball in the scrimmage really nice.  Granted, it’s not like Devin Patterson and Hollins were trying to poke the ball away from him constantly, but I can be optimistic about things.  Randy Reed can fly too, he might be a super hero.
  • The shooting competition was pretty fun, but for some reason the basket on the side where the visiting team’s bench is lost every single time.  Jake White couldn’t miss on the other end, but then couldn’t make it on that end.  I am convinced that side is cursed.  The Mavs are going to lose the first half of every game.  By the way, I have been a Celtics fan my whole life.  Even through the Rick Pitino era, so I sometimes scare easily with basketball.
  • The student that shot for free tuition made the lay up and free throw pretty easily, but the three pointer was rough.  Josh White shagged the ball for him for a little bit.  Josh White might be the best passer in Maverick history.  I call for Josh White shagging the ball for every shooting challenge this season.
  • Tre’Shawn Thurman did not have a great dunk competition.  It made me sad.  Tra-Deon Hollins won it (see previous tweets).  By the way, Omaha Central has 4 players from their 2013 state championship team in division one.
Quite possibly the greatest photo ever.
Quite possibly the greatest photo ever.  Photo by Mark Kuhlmann

Two weeks until college basketball.  Two of the longest weeks of the year.  It will be like when you drive from Denver to Omaha and it all goes pretty quickly until you get to Grand Island and time slows down because it hates you.